Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize