It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
