Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
