One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
