she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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