so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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