you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
