Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
