If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
