I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
