So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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