He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
