I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
