he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
