alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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