Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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