we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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