Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
