he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
