this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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