we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
