I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
