Apparently you make a good broom.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
