he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
