i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
