I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
