just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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