So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
