Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
