Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
