I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize