Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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