What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
