I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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