I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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