i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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