Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
