Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
