3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
