my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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