someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize