Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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