Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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