So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
