Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
