Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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