No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize