this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize