I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
