her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
