I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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