So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
