I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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