Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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