I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
