the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
