Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize