the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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