My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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