I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
