Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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