So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
