if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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