I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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