Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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