Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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