i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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