Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
